An Intimate Convo With A Sugar Daddy Who Pays $4,000 A Month For The Romance
Sex is a topic steeped in judgment. Any conversations about it arenever-ending debatesof whats right and whats wrong.
Thats why Ive created this column:a judgment-free forum to discuss sexual trysts, both conventional and not, through intimate Q&As with some openminded individuals.
As an engaged man living in the suburbs, the ideaof a sugar daddy resonates as way more fantastical than practical.
I mean, where I live, if you see an older man with a younger woman, theres a good chance hes her father.
But after getting familiarwithSeekingArrangement, apopular dating site for sugar daddy/baby relationships, I soon discovered that maybe the twosomesI hadassumed werefather/daughter mightnot bethat at all. They mightbemore romantic.
SeekingArrangement has over 3 millionmembers in the US alone 484,695 of which are sugar daddies (who, on average,are white 40-year-olds with a $275,000 income) and 2,250,868 are sugar babies (who, on average, are 25 years old).
So yeah, this is clearly a burgeoning market in the dating industry.
To get a more personal account of what these types of relationships entail,I spoke to Cameron*, a 48-year-old healthcare consultant (earning upwards of $325,000 a year)whosbeena sugar daddy for three and a half years (he gotdivorcedalmosta decade ago).
As Cameron explains below, this isnt the sex-for-cash transaction most see it as. Theres actually a lot more both participants can reap from a sugar-filledconnection.
Bobby Box: Why do you seek the sugar daddy/sugar baby arrangement?
Cameron: Im divorced and dont have the time to be involved in a traditional relationship. There is a level of flexibility that this affords. I travel often, and having a relationship that doesnt need constant nurturing works best for me.
On average, my sugar baby and I see each other once per week at the most, and on occasions, twice per month.
BB: Do friends or family know youre a sugar daddy? If so, how did they react?
Cameron: My family is not aware of my status as a sugar daddy. However, they were aware of my previous sugar baby as a friend who was much younger. My family assumed that she was my girlfriend.
The general concern was, were we to ever get married, she wouldnt be around as a companion andleave with half of my resources.
Very close friends of mine are aware that I have a sugar baby. My friends aregenerally fascinated with the idea men and women alike and often jokingly quip that they should try it as it seems to be the ideal situation for a relationship.
BB: Whats a typical interaction on SeekingArrangement like?
Cameron: After I log on, even when its only for a brief period, Ill get about10-15 messagesper day for three to four succeeding days.
First and foremost, its imperative that I perform a thorough screening of a sugar baby. I read her profile carefully to determine ifwere compatible.
I limit my search to college-educated women who are currently in school (undergraduate or graduate) or have already graduated. I find that I engage withwomen far more comfortably if they are able to have fun debates, share ideas or challenge my ideas. I enjoy banter.
After messaging on the SeekingArrangement platform for a couple of days, well switch to email and eventually phone calls. During these first convos, Ill statethe frequency of our meetings and the amount Im willing to offer while paying close attention to her needs.
Ill usually meet her within a couple of weeks to see how well we match, and then Ill take a few days to make a decision.
During our first meeting, I will offer her a gift and a cash amount if she has incurred any travel expenses to make sure that she feels comfortable and that the evening is worthwhile should we decide we arent compatible.
A significant number of the sugar babies turn to SeekingArrangement because of financial challenges they are experiencing, and I feel its only fair to offer a gift as a token of my appreciation in her effort to meet with me.
The question of sex is never broached until later after weve met in person, and only as a part of our overall discussion.
BB: By the sounds of it, sugar daddies have most of the power.
Cameron:I will agree thatsugar daddies havemore flexibility, only because the numbers are in our favor. Theres a ratio of 7women to 1man.
BB: Based on your experiences, what are themost common reasons sugar babieswantthese arrangements?
Cameron: I find sugar babies fall into a number of categories:
- The college or graduate student whos having funding problems particularly tuition and living expenses.
- A woman whos frustrated with immature men within her age group.
- Those who are using SeekingArrangement as a full-time career.
- Those who are genuinely seeking a long-term,romantic relationship.
BB: What are your reasons for giving younger women money?
Cameron: This nontraditional relationship works best for me, and helping a partner is only fair. Its less headache and far less expensive compared to having a full-time girlfriend.
BB: Whats the average allowance you give to your sugar babies?
Cameron: Her allowance is $4,000 per month, in addition to gifts.
The gifts, generally, arespontaneous.For instance, a plane ticket to fly home to New Zealand to visit her ill father, a new dress and shoes for an opera performance, gift certificates for dinner with her friends who are visiting for the weekend, and so on.
BB:To date, how much money have you spent on sugar babies?
Cameron: Approximately $110,000.
BB: Whats the most expensive gift youve ever given a sugar baby?
Cameron: My previous sugar baby and I were together for approximately 18 months before she earned her masters degree and returned to New Zealand.
Since she was relying on public transportation to get to and from the university, I bought her a car. I felt it was far safer for her to have whenleaving her classes late at night.
BB: Do you ever feel like youre being taken advantage of by these younger women?
Cameron: I dont feel that in any way. Theres a power dynamic that exists between us.
Shes ahighly intelligent, attractive and wonderful woman, and Ihave the resources. These are weapons we can both employ at will, andsomething we would never abuse.
BB: Is there anything youd like to clear up about the stigma attached to theserelationships?
Cameron: I find its a very healthy alternative to traditional dating, often devoid of the typical demandsinvolved in marriage or dating.
Theres also an end point thats very clear to both parties andallows for an amicable parting of ways that fosters a long-term friendship.
BB: What do you say to people who believe this kind of arrangement is akin to prostitution?
Cameron: I imagine that there are those who might believe it to be prostitution. However, I would guess that prostitution is very transactional devoid of any emotion or friendship.
SD/SB relationships are generally long-term. At least, they arefor me.
BB: How common is it that sex is involved?
Cameron: On average, sex is usually every other meeting, depending on what we have planned.
Ifwe spend a long evening out at a function, it might not happen. But when were together for extended periods of time, we might do itmore frequently. Its not unlike being in a traditional relationship.
BB: How do you feel about the terms sugar daddy and sugar baby?
Cameron: I actually would prefer some other terms. They [seem]so calculating.
The term sugar baby conjures a scheming diva whose sole motivation is to drain a guys bank account. Im aware that some ofthese womendo exist, but theyrenot in my orbit.
BB: How many sugar babies do you have at one time?
Cameron: I see only one sugar baby at a time. I wouldnt do emotional multitasking well.
My relationships are usually longterm, generally longerthan six months.
BB: Having been married, would you say theserelationships are just as fulfilling? Why or why not?
Cameron:A SB/SD relationship is no more or less fulfilling. They both have their respective benefits.
A good marriage results in a lifelong partner. A SD/SB relationship has a negotiable life expectancy.
BB: Do you view this as dating, or more like pampering?
Cameron: I feel very invested and treat my sugar baby with respect and provide a lot of pampering, similar to that of a normal relationship.
BB: So, technically speaking, are you two dating? How do youarticulate their relationship?
Cameron:We have clearly defined boundaries. We respect each others space and privacy. Neither of us see anyone else, but we enjoy our time apart because of our demanding schedules.
Its exciting when we see each other we have a volume of things to share. At times, it feels like a dating relationship.
But to other people, we describe our relationship as friends.
BB: Why dont you just hire a sex worker instead? Whatmakes thismore worthwhile?
Cameron: I dont find prostitution abhorrent or immoral. However, I would find it limiting. What I look for in a partner is something more substantial. I probably would find the lack of emotion a turn-off.
I imagine that being with a beautiful prostitute would be exciting for a short meeting. I, however,enjoy the connection that comes with familiarity.
*Name has been changed.
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